Dear reader,

I'm alive but I'm not. This disease or whatever it is, is eating me. Depression arrives like the winter fog. It covers everyone I love, everything I love and interests me.. And they all seem distant. I dimly feel anything.. Sure, some days are amazing but some days are unbearable. And even when the fog is gone, and it's bright and sunny, the fog is still there around the corner, waiting to catch hold of me. I think tonight it'll succeed. I don't love anyone. I don't hate anyone either. I can't bear another day in this lifeless body. Nothing helps and everything is gone. It was torturing to see myself change from who I was to what I am now.
IF I don't make it through the night, tell mom I'm sorry for the broken plates in the sink.
IF I make it through the night, I'll spend the rest of my life dying.
If I do make it the through the night, pretend i never wrote this and this never happened.
Thank you for the life of a human, but no thanks.
I'll leave you with a question for tonight, reader.
What would you prefer?  Living a lifeless life and dying everyday  or not living at all?
I'm only pulling off the band aid. 

You'll fall in love

I am the wind, the rain, tsunami, the wave;
I will sweep you from your to an early grave;
I am the ocean, the sea, And thereof,
just like that, tumbling, you'll fall in love.