I am selfish.

I have a lot of spare time, but I get nothing accomplished.
I complain a lot about the way things are, but never do anything to change.
I say I crave love, but always turn it away when offered.
I'm a walking hypocrisy,  and I don't know if I'll ever be happy with I've got.
I'm just too goddammed selfish and I can do nothing about it.

I don't fear not finding the one.

I have never really been in love. And I am not talking about that one week infatuation, I am talking about real love. Since I have never been in love, I have no idea what is it like. I don't know how people feel like when they're hopelessly in love. I don't know what people do to make someone stay in love them. Do they  even make an effort to stay in love or does the real love always lasts? What is it that keeps them in love? What do two people in love talk about?
I do want to know the answers of these questions,  but I'd wait. I don't want to read or listen to the answer to these questions,  I want to experience it. I want to experience how people feel when they're hopelessly in love,  I want to experience if real love always lasts or do we have to make it last. I want to experience what two people in love talk about exactly. I want to experience what keeps them in love.
But, I have read enough books, heard enough songs and seen enough to know that love is a beautiful thing.
And not finding the one is not my fear, my fear is not falling in love with him.